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Sunday, 2 December 2018

Growing up

So I am sitting here a day before the blog post is supposed to come out, it is absolutely miserable out there, but I finally know what I want to write about! After a week of thinking, deleting and staring at a blank white screen I have done it.

I have been talking to my mum on the phone recently, talking about the past and the present situation at the Big U and it got me thinking. I have changed. I am nowhere near like the person I was years ago. I have evolved and become someone so different, what I have become was not part of the action plan I had laid out at age 10. Then I realised that I had grown up, without knowing it I had become an adult. I had become a slightly cynical, introverted, easily amused and a happy adult. I had finally had a chance to grow up organically.

Very fat and very hungry baby me
As a child due to the circumstances I was surrounded by, I was forced to grow up prematurely, I had to behave as if I were older than I was, meaning sometimes the mistake another child would make would not be as easily forgiven if I made them. The problem with premature growth is that you miss out on a few lessons you should have learned, it also becomes a bit of a burden. It is a bit like an oven pizza; I mean technically you can warm it up in the microwave for 10 minutes and it would be cooked in half he the time it would have cooked in the oven, but everyone knows although the oven takes longer to cook  the pizza, it tastes better and that's the same with growing up organically. Growing prematurely didn't do me well, I heavily relied on school because I was allowed to be a child, no one excepted me to be mature.

Saying this I loved my childhood, of course, I still messed up as a child and I still have the fondest memories. I blame no one for me having to grow up so fast either, it is just how things played out. Those from Nigerian backgrounds can relate a little on how quickly we are expected to mature, it is for the best interest of course, but sometimes it can be overwhelming. Some people grow up quickly that's just who they are. I am just saying I wasn't that type of person, so when I was reflecting about what it was to grow up I realised what I did in the past wasn't it.

Me at the age of like 12-13 changing the fashion game lol
When I grew up before I was full of anxiety, trepidation, I bottled up how I felt, until the pressure finally built up and I just exploded, a bit like a volcano (No can tell when it is about to blow). That's not how to grow up. So one day when I woke up and I felt at peace, knowing that I may not be the most beautiful, or smartest, or noted of people and was pretty much fine with that, I didn't bat an eye. I guess I went with it. I think that's what it means to grow up, entering a daily war, knowing that you already at peace with yourself. So to hell with people telling you to grow up and to hell with premature growth.  And to the deepest of hell with the notion of being a "Proper adult"

Until next time guys!

Emmy xx

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